'British royalism is a surrealist art form, combining the high camp with complete humourlessness' // PeatWorrier
that the creature was gifted to Her Majesty the Queen by Golda Meir in 1973 and was last publicly displayed during the Silver Jubilee of 1977 – you’d be confronted with a constitutional fairytale only marginally less ludicrous than the solemn processions and series of baubles and outfits the state broadcaster will present come coronation weekend.
The key to reporting any royal event in the UK is to learn to speak unspeakable gibberish with a straight face. The broadcasting pros are able to pretend they find the interminable parades, the ridiculous costuming, the weird military aesthetic and the boring Christian sermon strangely moving. I’m also moved strangely by these scenes. To boaking.
Every day in the lead-up to the coronation of Charles III, a new gewgaw has been revealed for the public to gawp and coo at. This weekend, the palace released a college photo of the jug-eared Charles Windsor, looking impossibly young and reminding you how long he’s been dangling around before realising his life’s ambition in his eighth decade. This was reported as news. It isn’t.
Because those in glass houses can’t throw stones. To crown a king, it turns out a lot of equipment is involved. You might think all you’d really need was the magic hat and a convenient stool for the sovereign to sit on – but it transpires several fistfuls of rings, staffs, staves, sticks, wands, gowns, orbs, swords and spoons are needed for the magic spell to work in modern Britain.
Pointing and laughing at this ridiculous spectacle is actively discouraged. The humbug and the generally religious atmosphere may help here.
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