I wish I’d supported you more. I wish I’d made myself more involved earlier on in your children’s lives
Whether we have kids or not, it’s hard to admit we feel lonely, and that we’re sad friendships have changed and my wish for it to be easier to talk about the pain of that. Shortly after, I was asked whether I felt myself drift from my friends once they started having a family. Did I feel left out? Angry? Did I wish they’d invited me to the children’s events?
There is, of course, a natural separation which happens when your friends start to have kids. Your friends have less time for you. That change can be hard, and, if the change happens quickly, it can feel lonely if everyone is off making a family and you’re on your own.Whether we have kids or not, it’s hard to admit we feel lonely, and that we’re sad friendships have changed.
Talking honestly with you has helped me make my own decision not to have kids. It’s helped me clarify that I want to put my energy in this life towards other things.. It’s something that, I, as someone without kids, won’t experience. You have a lovely intimacy with our friends who are also mothers. I want to honour it as something special, and something that’s uniquely yours. But I hope you feel like you can lean on me, too, when you need a break or things feel tough..
. If raising children takes a village, as I said in my last article, the pub hasn’t always been open. I don’t plan to have children, but I want to have children in my life. I think I’ve realised, , that I’m afraid of being alone as I get older. I wonder who will be around later in life, and who I’ll pass things on to when I’m no longer here. So, if I genuinely want to have children in my life as I age, I need to make a concerted effort, starting now, to be there for you and your families.
I’m sorry I haven’t been there, but I’d like to be there now. I’ll bring the Pinot .Liz GuterbockKate Lister
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