How to tame the emotions of opportunity-seeking and avoiding.
, they avoid trying to succeed. They hesitate to ask for help, sometimes out of shame. They might also turn down opportunities that come their way because they don’t feel confident enough to pursue them.
Being successful requires working through feeling unconfident as opposed to waiting for the confidence to kick in first. In line with the practice of acceptance and commitmentGap, I ask my opportunity-avoidant clients, “In a world where you had unlimited confidence, what would you be doing differently?” I tell them that lackingfeels bad, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t good enough for the opportunity.
Other people show what I have coined “compulsive opportunity-seeking.” This is when people cope with uncomfortable feelings by pursuing opportunities excessively and indiscriminately. These individuals tend to be overachievers andCompulsive opportunity-seekers get excited by the idea of an opportunity itself rather than discerning what the opportunity will mean for their quality of life, particularly once the allure of it dims to just a longer to-do list.
Similar to opportunity-avoiders, compulsive opportunity-seekers struggle with unstable self-worth. Making self-worth and confidence contingent upon hunting and snatching opportunities leads to framing them as irresistible and painful to lose. When people respond to this uncertainty by taking on more opportunities “just in case” some fall through, it leaves them at risk for burning out, and ironically, missing out on better future opportunities they have become too busy to consider.
The healthiest way to go about opportunity-seeking and taking is by building a balanced approach, which I have coined “opportunity selectivity.” This is in line with what dialectical behavior therapy practitioners refer to asand what radically open dialectical behavior therapy practitioners refer to as a
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