'Here I am, just a comma standing in front of the world, asking you all to forgive me for overshadowing the hard work of our cast and crew with this needless controversy that I — and I alone — caused.'
I spent a long time thinking about whether I should write this apology. I lay low for months, hoping the shame festering inside my gut would eventually go away on its own. I guess I should’ve known better since I was raised Catholic. Anyway, I’ve finally decided to come clean in the hopes that, in doing so, I might allow anyone I’ve inadvertently harmed to begin the process of healing.
When I was young, I dreamed of becoming an important comma. Imagine adorning one of Shakespeare’s sonnets or being assigned to a phrase like “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Now that’s a legacy! When I finally received my assignment on my 18th birthday, my family celebrated. What an honor, they said, relieved that I wouldn’t be spending my life buried within the pages of a NutriBullet instruction manual.
I panicked. My body quivered uncontrollably. I tried to stay in place, but I couldn’t handle it. So I did the one thing I was taught a comma should never do: I left., I told myself. After all, some people don’t even know that, grammatically speaking, there should be a vocative comma in. How important could I be? Ashamed, I spent my days drinking at the Run-on Bar, usually with the Oxford comma who got fired from.
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