Pundits suggest President Biden faces a steep uphill battle to retain the White House, with polls showing a stubbornly low approval rating and widespread doubts about his ability to handle the economy. The Onion asked Americans what Biden has to do to earn their vote, and this is what they said. Terry Hester, Custodian “Dive off the Washington Monument into a pint glass of water.
” Ernesto Baize, Customer Service Representative “I think it’d be really nice if he could learn everyone in the population’s name.” Kyle Harker, Tattoo Artist “Make Libra season a federal holiday.” Ingrid Zuleta, Hair Stylist “I’d like to see Jill experiment with burgundy highlights and a wavy blunt bob.” Rory Dobbs, Attorney “Crush the middle class once and for all.” Liam Martínez, Nurse Practitioner “I want him to shrink down to three inches tall and climb inside my mouth. That would show me he has what it takes to be president for four more years. It would also turn me on. Like, a lot.” Aimee Bialosky, Marketing Specialist “Misgender a transgender teenager on live T
President Biden Approval Rating Economy Demands Americans
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