While it’s obvious to anyone with common sense that workers don’t deserve fair wages, The Onion asked Americans across the country to explain why the minimum wage should not be increased.
“It’s a lot harder to break the spirits of workers who can afford to feed themselves.”“I’ll level with you. I wasn’t 100% sure what a minimum wage was when you asked, and I didn’t want to sound stupid, so I just said keep it the same.”“If we pay people more, the price of sleemps is going to go through the roof. They’re saying sleemps will be a million dollars! And I don’t even know what sleemps are! Good god! I’m having a meltdown just thinking about all the costs!”“I just don’t want to do it.
I just don’t.”“The grab bag of humiliations and cruelties we call the economy simply wouldn’t allow it.”“If I ever fall out of the middle class, I figure having to make $7.25 an hour would be a fitting punishment for my insane views.”“I can’t remember why, but I think it had something to do with a burger.
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