And other suggestions for the partner who knows what’s good for them.
When my husband and I started dating, I had high expectations for Valentine's Day. But I was trying to play it cool, so I told him I thought the holiday was silly and that I hated flowers. Thankfully, he read between the lines and brought me flowers and a box of chocolates. We ate dinner at Denny's and played dodgeball with my intramural team . There's nothing quite as satisfying as whipping balls at balls with nerve endings.
As time has passed, our Valentine’s Day traditions have waxed and waned. Some years, flowers arrive at the front door. Other years, I use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to drop way more money than I should on lingerie that will be worn once, for 30 seconds, before we realize it’s impossible to do the deed in these death traps.
But now that I’ve been married almost ten years , all I really want on February 14th is a mopped floor. One that I don’t have to mop myself. And if my husband really wants to turn up the heat, he could scrub the grout while he’s down there. No, that isn’t some sort of Internet slang for something sexual. And I’m not alone, either.
This was the first response I received immediately after sending off a mass text : a massage that doesn’t start at the shoulders for 90 seconds , before quickly going south. The real kicker is that those 90 seconds at shoulder level are long enough for you to wonder if they’ve forgotten their primary motive. They haven’t. I, of course, have never experienced these kinds of massages. But I’ve heard stories.
What would ten minutes in the bathroom alone even be like? Can I even pee anymore without being interrogated with a never-ending stream of “but why?” questions? Maybe this Valentine’s Day, I’ll find out.I don’t want to be poked in the morning by anyone, or anything. I want to wake up when my body naturally decides it has had enough sleep. AND THEN, I don’t want a list of five billion questions to answer and demands to fulfill. I just want 120 minutes of silence, 120 minutes of not being needed.
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