After Abby Salois’s sister died by suicide, she just wanted to hide. But with a career and young children, she couldn’t. Instead, Salois writes, “I learned to hide inside a fresh pair of Size 8 Brooks Adrenaline running sneakers — navy with gold accents.
Editor's note: This writing contains references to suicide, suicide attempts and completion, suicidal ideation, and suicide coercion. Please use discretion while reading.
I started running when I was in college, but it was too hard and I hated it. For years, I ran to stay fit and counted down the minutes until my runs were finished. But my relationship with running changed when, almost 20 years later, Liza died by suicide. I was sitting on the brown leather sofa in my living room late on a Sunday night, when an NYPD detective called me with the news, and the air dropped out of my chest.
After one or two miles, my feet would settle into a rhythm. My watch would clock two miles, then three, and then four, with no temptation to stop. I was running through an imaginary wall and kept going until I released enough endorphins to hurl myself into the next part of the day — or until my body was simply exhausted. Running can hurt, and when it did, I welcomed the pain in some weird, subversive way.
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