To recover from the sting of rudeness, turn to the solace of open-minded people, open places, and open time.
Being distracted and preoccupied after a rude incident is a risk to our safety and judgment.Source: Pexels, Austin Guevera Out of the blue, someone is shockingly rude to you. You didn’t see it coming while shopping for groceries, asking a co-worker for directions, or waiting for the train—but someone angrily accuses you of something you know nothing about, or butts in front of you in line, or deliberately looks away when you’ve politely asked for assistance.
The rude incident stings and nags at you. Even if you handled it well in the moment or brushed it aside to get through a demanding day, it comes back to haunt you at 3:00 in the morning. That ugly encounter, though brief and fleeting, still hurts. Do you wonder if you’re too sensitive to the bad behavior in the world and wish you could just toughen up and develop thicker skin? Don’t take it personally, they say, right? But it’s not all about toughening up as an individual to cope alone. Recent research is showing us that random acts of rudeness can be highly distracting and damaging to individuals as well as organizations and institutions. Unexpected, sporadic incidents of incivility can have lasting consequences. When a stranger in public “acts out” for some reason, even if you compassionately or rationally explain it to yourself , that doesn’t mean the distracting effects in your brain simply disappear. That nasty encounter can play on repeat in our headspace and skew our equilibrium.Unfortunately, the distraction to our focus and functioning may add to the collective tension in the room or within an organization. Tension comes around and goes around.Forty-seven percent of Americans state that public behavior in the United States has changed for the worse over the past five years.When a healthcare professional has encountered a rude incident or has been distracted by such an encounter at a critical time, a lack of focus can lead to a serious medical mistake, such as a misdiagnosis. A study by Amir Erez of the University of Florida and colleagues found that"many workplaces treat rudeness as a minor interpersonal issue…Our research shows that it’sWitnessing rudeness primes us to see rudeness in future behaviors, even when it is not there. In short, those who observe rudeness second-hand areRecently, in just one week, I experienced a rash of rude incidents, including two snarky attacks at work, two stinging attacks in public , more aggressive drivers, and one bizarre outburst from a friend. Although I could provide well-informed psychological and sociological reasons for this behavior, I ruminated about the rude acts I'd suffered. My whole body, brain, and soul needed restoration. Thankfully, to my surprise and delight, two friends invited me to their home for dinner on Saturday night by a lake. We spent four leisurely hours in their kitchen, dining room, and patio, playing with their rescue dog, and enjoying seafood. There was ample time to share our stories about troubling rude behaviors and fears for our turbulent world. Fortunately, my friends were abundantly open-minded and curious, and we were able to share intense discourse about rudeness we observed in others.for this healing evening, it struck me that three essential ingredients all restored me from the demoralizing rudeness of the prior week. These healing forces sprang from three sources of: open-minded people, an open place, and open time. In the spirit of openness as a theme, I would like to cite the wonderful book,has shown how the trait of openness can help to keep us from giving in to closed belief systems, advice-giving, judging, and a lack of receptive listening. People endowed with openness—who are curious, love to learn and wonder, and are willing to consider divergent ideas—can be inspiring companions for recovering from acts of rudeness from others. In short, to heal from the narrowing or fixating of our minds triggered by an act of rudeness, we can benefit from open-minded listeners.and wonder, looking out to vast expanses of land, sky, or water all call us into the present moment and unlock us from our self-referential thinking. These powerful awe moments help us reset our minds through deactivating the of our brain. If we are ruminating about rude incidents or unfair events in our lives, we can find little pockets of relief by allowing ourselves moments of wonder in vast, open places.Slowing down and giving space to ourselves through free, undistracted leisure time is essential to healing from rudeness and other challenging encounters. We can leave our phones and screens behind for a while and go unplugged into the providence of free time or “me time” and take advantage of that time to fully enjoy simple pleasures.More than ever before, we need to be honest with each other about how rude behavior truly does affect us. Open-minded people are particularly helpful when we need to rant, vent, grieve, or do what we need to sort through the raw mix of feelings. We can appreciate receptive listeners who do not try to impose their beliefs on us or offer quick fixes. We can restore our bodies and spirits with a long walk in vast open places through our sense of wonder. We can give ourselves open time to slow down on solid ground with simple joys. We can resist the rudeness in the world by restoring ourselves with open-minded companions and experiences that enrich our sense of openness and wonder. Most of all, we can restore our own open-mindedness, for the sake of our own minds.Life never gets easier. Fortunately, psychology is keeping up, uncovering new ways to maintain mental and physical health, and positivity and confidence, through manageable daily habits like these. How many are you ready to try?Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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