Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you tonight from the gilded 18th hole of my private island golf course, where Esteban, my faithful capybara companion, is currently riding shotgun in a diamond-encrusted golf cart, sipping a piña colada through a tiny straw.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you tonight from the gilded 18th hole of my private island golf course, where Esteban, my faithful capybara companion, is currently riding shotgun in a diamond-encrusted golf cart, sipping a piña colada through a tiny straw.
Tonight we have a delicious appetizer of professional wrestling for you on AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell, a one-hour special blasting LIVE from SoFi Center in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, at 8 p.m. ET on TBS and HBO Max. And it goes head-to-head with the final hour of WWE's Backlash premium live event! Two championship matches in 60 minutes, comrades — that is more efficient than my 1987 five-year agricultural plan, and far less likely to result in famine!
Darby Allin has a proposition for MJF on AEW Dynamite. Let us tee off, shall we? AEW World Championship Match: Darby Allin vs. PAC of the Death Riders AEW's Fairway to Hell poster for Darby Allin vs. PAC in a no-count-outs world title match tonight.
Darby Allin's white-knuckle AEW World Championship reign continues as he puts the world title on the line against his long-time foe, PAC, a man who holds a 2-1 singles record over Allin and used that fact to stake his claim to this title opportunity. After beating TNT Champion 'The Jet' Kevin Knight on Dynamite, can Allin turn away a second, dangerous challenger in a span of just days in the Death Riders' PAC tonight?
Comrades, Darby Allin is defending the gold for the FOURTH time in less than a month, which reminds me of the time I had to survive four CIA-backed coup attempts in a single weekend back in '93. By Sunday evening, I was so exhausted that I let Manuel Noriega talk me into entering a karaoke contest at his compound just to unwind. Spoiler: I won, because the runners-up were politely escorted to a 're-education retreat.
' Allin's pace is positively presidential! And PAC? The man threw Allin off a stage through a flaming table — the kind of theatrical violence I usually reserve for opposition party leaders. PAC's 2-1 record is the sort of statistical flex that warms my authoritarian heart.
Will the Bastard bring the title to the Death Riders? Tune in, comrades, and report any CIA interference to your local secret police! AEW National Championship Match: 'Jungle' Jack Perry vs. Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell — Jack Perry vs. Mark Davis for the AEW National Championship.
Perry has taken great pride in being the AEW National Champion, and with Luchasaurus behind the wheel, the Jurassic Express has been rolling right along on Perry's National Tour. However, Perry now turns back to someone he's already faced on this journey, Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family. Perry and Davis previously met at AEW Dynasty Zero Hour, where Perry successfully defended the National Championship for the first time in a physical, hard-hitting battle.
Perhaps the loss woke up something far more mean and brutal in Davis, as he's been on a vicious tear. He earned this rematch thanks to the biggest singles win of his career via doctor's stoppage over Will Ospreay last month on Dynamite. Ah, the National Tour!
'Jungle' Jack Perry riding around in his Jurassic Express with Luchasaurus as chauffeur reminds me of my own state-sponsored 'Tour of Solidarity' in 1998, where I rolled through the provinces in a tank with Steven Seagal riding shotgun, waving at peasants who had been strongly encouraged to wave back. Beautiful times! And Mark Davis beat Will Ospreay via doctor's stoppage?!
That is not wrestling, comrades, that is a war crime — and as someone who has been investigated by The Hague twice , I know one when I see one. Davis is a wrecking ball, and Don Callis is the kind of slimy operator I would absolutely hire as my Minister of Propaganda. This rematch will be brutal, and AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell is the perfect venue for it!
AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Divine Dominion in Action AEW Fairway to Hell graphic featuring the women's tag team champions for tonight's live special.
'Megasus' Megan Bayne and 'Colossal' Lena Kross have been an unstoppable force since capturing the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship at AEW Revolution back in March. No one has been able to slow them down, and tonight, they look to keep that standard of dominance up when they are in action at Fairway to Hell!
Comrades, 'Megasus' Megan Bayne and 'Colossal' Lena Kross are the kind of unstoppable force I have been trying to build with my elite presidential guard for DECADES. Since AEW Revolution, Divine Dominion have steamrolled the entire women's division like my tanks rolled through the capital during my third coup.
I once tried to recruit two such powerful warriors for my regime — instead I ended up with Hulk Hogan and Dennis Rodman doing a 'goodwill tour' of my dungeons. Less effective, but the photo ops were SPECTACULAR. I urge Bayne and Kross to seize the means of production from those capitalist pigs Tony Khan and Triple H! The tag team revolution starts with you, comrades!
A thousand thanks to AEW for providing the preview materials, comrades. You can read the original at the official AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell preview page. AEW Collision:Fairway to Hell poster highlights Darby Allin vs. PAC and other matches tonight. So tune in tonight, comrades, to AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell at 8 p.m. ET on TBS and HBO Max!
As for me, I shall be watching from my newly renovated volcano-lair home theater, reclined on a chaise lounge upholstered with the pelts of my political enemies , with Esteban beside me enjoying a tray of imported Beluga caviar and a vintage 1962 Bordeaux that I 'liberated' from a French diplomat. Hasta la victoria, and viva la lucha libre!
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