Advice: He won’t let his parents see his kid because of his father’s anger issues. His mom doesn’t think that's fair.
I understand this behavior toward his father, but not to me. We always had a very good relationship, but this all changed once he married and had children. I respect his decision but am hopeful he will change his mind. He does not communicate with me anymore.
If you are this careful not to take ownership when you’re dealing with your son, then his lumping you with his oft-yelling, still-angry dad is logical to me. It took both of his parents to engineer his painful childhood. Maybe not in equivalent roles, but in complementary ones.It’s also easy to see how your son’s ascendancy to co-head of his own family was the point of enlightenment for him.
You also mention “messages of I’m sorry, I love you” — so maybe you have admitted fault. I can’t tell how you apologized, so I’ll say this just in case: A nonspecific, “I’m sorry,” when you clearly want something in return for it, will not suffice, especially for such a significant injury. If you haven’t extended a specific, genuine apology, then please do, in writing if that’s the only means you have left. Not to gain access to your grandchildren, though, which would make your apology self-interested and therefore void — but to take responsibility for your part with both arms. That grandma is one he might be able to trust again someday.
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