Advice | Carolyn Hax: Husband is so close with their young adult daughters that his spouse feels “like an outsider in my own family.”
When I try to explain to my husband how this makes me feel like an outsider in my own family, he responds with some version of, “What do you want me to say?”“How about: ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling left out. I hadn’t noticed what you’re describing, but I will pay closer attention from now on.’” That would have been a healthy answer. An even better one: “Yes, I should have noticed they were playing us against each other. I’m on it now, I’m sorry.
It becomes a problem, though, when the favored parent accepts the currency and completes the transaction of undermining the parental bond and authority. I think that’s what you’re feeling right now: You’re being triangulated out of your position as spouse and co-parent at the top of the family org chart. That you’re being written out of family lore is alarming and suggests your husband has an emotional need for this leverage, unwitting though it may be.
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