Advice: Adult siblings discover that their mother has been lying about each of them to the others for years.
She says to each of her children that they are her favorite, then confirms these feelings by vilifying the others. Her other MO is to tell us we are right about a situation, then say the exact same thing to the other sibling. We feel as if we no longer know who our mom is. This has been going on for many years, but we have only recently discovered the severity and the depth of the ramifications.
What to do now? Although it is natural to want to “change her behavior,” it is problematic for all the usual reasons and a few special ones: It is not your place to change others; you typically cannot change others unless they want to change; and her defensiveness says it is doubtful she wants to. It is also possible she will see your confrontation as a threat, which will only intensify her attacks.On the other hand, this is your mom and your family.
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