Celebrities are just like us: stupid and miserable. They’re also much richer and more important, which makes their lives more interesting than ours. The Onion asked singer-songwriter Taylor Swift to provide a window into a typical week in her life.
“I sleep for nearly the entire 24-hour period on Wednesdays, waking only briefly at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. to consume raw burger meat for nourishment.”“Thursdays just kind of suck so I spend this one in bed, staring at the Roku screensaver wondering if we as a society romanticize cities because if we’ll be lonely either way, we might as well be lonely around each other. Wait. That’s good. Let me write that down real quick.”“Friday is rib day, no exceptions.
I can put away two racks by 5 p.m., easy, and four by last call. No one bothers me or even says a word, they just bring the fat sloppy racks and pitchers of Coors until I stand up and walk away. This space at Hogg’s that I’ve cultivated for myself is easily the thing I’m most proud of, and wouldn’t miss it for anything.”“Showtime! I’m a little worried that it took 11 seconds to sell out Wembley Stadium.
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