This is not that big of a deal!
My wife, “Sharlene,” and I have been married for 16 years. We have a 14-year-old son, “Dexter,” together, and I have a 19-year-old son, “Jordan,” from my first marriage. Just after Valentine’s Day, Jordan sent Dexter a gift that has made my wife lose her mind.
Jordan sent a novelty chocolate shaped like a vagina to Dexter along with a note that read, “This is the only way you’ll ever get to eat one of these.” Apparently, one of the fraternities at Jordan’s college was selling the chocolates for a fundraiser, and he thought it would be funny. Dexter nearly fell over laughing when he saw it. I wasn’t exactly pleased, but wrote it off as a stupid young adult thing. Sharlene, however, was furious and now says Jordan is no longer welcome in our home or around Dexter. I’m not about to disown my son and ban him from seeing his brother over something so dumb. And it’s not as if Dexter doesn’t know what sex is—I’ve overheard him and his friends telling jokes dirty enough to make a sailor blush. My wife isn’t willing to budge. What am I supposed to do here?You’re not responsible for your wife’s feelings about Jordan, especially if you know she’s overreacting. Let me ask you this—has she always been a little frosty towards Jordan? Is this one of those situations where he reminds her of a version of you that she does not want to remember, like, for instance, that period of time when you were married to Jordan’s mom?Help! We’re Taking Our Nieces and Nephews on a Summer Camping Trip. My New Sister-in-Law Is Already Ruining It. I think it’s safe to reason with her that, had roles been reversed here and Dexter was the clod with the Valentine’s vagina joke, she would consider a lifetime banishment pretty harsh. My thought is that there’s something more behind her melodramatic reaction and it might not be about Jordan at all—have you thought that maybe she’s not ready to see her little Dexter delighting in such crude humor? She’s probably wondering when the cute little kid with the Snoopy Crocs and the Captain America underpants was replaced by this cackling douche she’s living with.Give your wife some space, then re-engage her and ask how she’s doing. Do something nice for her. Take her out to dinner, buy her some flowers—just don’t buy her anything chocolate. I’d move forward assuming her lifetime banishment pronouncement was an overreaction in the heat of the moment. And when the next college break rolls around, give her a heads up that Jordan is coming home. I think she’ll be over it by then, but if she’s not, be firm that you’re not banishing your son over a joke. And ask Jordan to leave the novelty sex items at school.My son is 6. Among other things, he loves fairies, unicorns, stories about girls, and the color pink. Good for him, right? My son and my daughter have both been brought up to know that everything is for everyone. Only trouble is the other kids haven’t been brought up that way. The other night my son couldn’t sleep because he really wants to read a unicorn book at school but doesn’t want his friends to laugh at him. My question is should I keep asking his teacher to step in and try to teach these kids that your gender doesn’t have to determine what you like? Or would I just be setting my son up to be bullied by causing him to be singled out? When it comes to issues like this, does the teacher have any sway,Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.
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