A dog reviews his favorite meals, including a slice of turkey, a pen, and a pair of AirPods.
I have been in the food business my entire life. Ever since I was little, I’ve had a nose for this kind of work. You might say I was born to be a restaurant critic. But never before have I encountered a culinary experience so innovative that it threatened to alter the industry as we know it. Which is why I’d like to share a few of what I consider to be the standout meals over the years from the best and only establishment I’ve ever been to—the kitchen floor.
This one is always a treat. Usually, if someone is making a sandwich, a sliver will miraculously find its way into my lap. Imagine the carelessness! You never know the moment the turkey is going to drop, and that suspense is what keeps me coming back, night after night.. Start by chewing off the cap, so you can make your way to the plastic body of the pen and get to the ink. That’s the juiciest part! You then want to down the ink like a shot—it’ll go down real smooth if it’s a fresh one.
These are extremely rare—I’ve only ever eaten two pairs—but they will change your life and alter your digestive system forever. I would definitely consider these more of a dessert, especially because of that vaguely sweet aftertaste you get from chewing stainless steel, so try not to overindulge! If you’re confused, that’s because this item is actually on the secret menu. You have to ask for it, and by that I mean find it lying in the corner of the kitchen or about to fall off someone’s foot. But, when you do find it, it will be well worth the wait. The satisfaction of tearing through a cotton sock and then swallowing it whole is like nothing else—except for the taste of wool socks, which are exquisite.
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