How to handle insecurities in a relationship without falling into destructive patterns where both people wind up acting in ways they later regret, by DrLisaFirestone
In times when we’re triggered or when our partner is acting in a way that’s off, dismissive, or frustrating, we are bound to make mistakes.Having a softer, or simply less ready-to-jump way of responding can help the situation.
That’s not to say that our actions don’t have an impact. Of course, they do. But adult relationships are a hotbed for stirring old emotions and implicit memories.Just as we may project onto our partner all kinds of thoughts and feelings from our history, our partner is likely projecting aspects of their own past onto us.
We have a tendency to personalize so much of what goes on with someone close to us. If they come home from work feeling tired and quiet, we may think they’re being cold or disinterested. If they seem irritable because of some external thing that’s stressing them out, we may think, “Why are they so mad at me? They’re so inconsiderate.”We’ve been programmed to feel like all of our reactions are real and make sense right now.
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