Does your friendship have to end or can it change instead?
In the same way a good manager would never fire an employee for performance issues without a warning, in most instances, it’s a good idea to give your friend a chance to change their behavior. According to Jackson, it’s easy to confuse the time you’ve spent ruminating on a friendship and talking about it with other people for communication with the one person who actually needs to hear it—and it’s a huge missed opportunity.
When someone in your life is behaving in an objectively terrible way, it’s easy to assume they know exactly what they’re doing. Even if a friend knows the mistake they’ve made , there’s no way for them to know exactly how these actions made you feel if you don’t share that.
“Sometimes a friendship just needs recategorizing,” Jackson says. “Often disappointment happens because we consider someone a ‘tier one’ friend. We have expectations that they’ll call, that we can share our biggest things with them, and can expect them to come to our important events.
“Psychologically, there’s generally a reason why we’re staying in a relationship with someone who dims our light, and those things can be wide and varied,” Dr. Korrel says. “The fear of having no friends often keeps us tied to the very toxic ones.
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