Women of color experience additional stress as they try to adapt to the values and orientation of their workplace cultures.
Not known to othersUnknown self: Biases unknown to self and othersFor example, I used to think others would judge me because I don’t drink alcohol, but sharing this actually helped people accommodate me. I discovered it was less exhausting to be myself rather than hide my values. The first time I went to a pub for a UK work event, I was visibly uncomfortable because the smell of alcohol was getting to my head.
We all uphold and reflect values from our families, nationality, faith, and individual experiences. These unique profiles define who we are and should be respected and embraced. One of my clients, Tania,* shared how her manager would become frustrated when she took time off to take her grandmother to doctor appointments. Her manager couldn’t understand why this was necessary when the grandmother was perfectly healthy and mobile. Tania was raised in a South Asian family with a strong focus on collectivism and family values. Supporting her grandmother was an essential part of her value system, unlike other western cultures that tend to prioritize individualism.
Hiding rituals essential to our cultural identity can adversely impact our self-esteem and sense of belonging while creating potential misunderstandings. Such experiences can leave us reluctant to embrace our cultural identity in full. We can encourage others to be inclusive, aware, and respectful of “other” traditions and practices not considered mainstream by talking about what we ordinarily choose to hide. Sharing allows others to make more informed and culturally sensitive decisions.
I understand this is unfamiliar to you, but it’s an integral part of my value system. In my culture, this is how we [do/celebrate/follow]. This is my personal choice; this has not been imposed on me, nor am I pressured to do it. I would appreciate it if you could respect my choice without judgment.The less you can relate to people around you, the more isolating it can feel.
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