Generally speaking, therapists want to help patients with their problems, but these common responses tend to have the opposite effect. Newtherapisthub explains how.
The therapeutic relationship is considered a key to positive outcomes for patients, but three phrases used by some helpers can tarnish it. Saying "I understand" is well-meaning, but can be taken as a patronizing gesture or sign that the provider has had a similar experience.
"There's not much we can do about that" may seem like a path to getting patients to accept a circumstance, but can create collateral damage. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” is an ancient phrase. One interpretation is that sometimes trying to do something good can have unintended bad consequences.We’ve all created awkward moments of seeming to know precisely how to say the wrong thing, or perhaps the right thing in the most wrong way. Embarrassing blunders tend to have a way of ensuring we don’t make the same mistake twice, but not all insalubrious exchanges generate such obvious signs we need to make a change. Did you ever consider you may be oblivious to regularly making therapy-undermining remarks because they seem like innocuous, relevant, and even supportive statements? Hidden in plain sight are three utterances that could be standing in the way of forging therapeutic alliances. While well-intended, they can generate feelings of being minimized or misunderstood; patients may believe they are incorrigible and even doubt the practitioner’s ability.This reflexive comment always seems like the right thing to say because it shows you’re payingand/or empathizing, right? But this is a specious perception. Have you ever noticed that sometimes that phrase has earned you a snappy reaction? Early on, I worked in acute settings, where people were frequently in crisis. More than once, I thought I was nicely applying my attending skills as the patient or their family explained what disastrous event was occurring. “OK, I understand,” I mindlessly replied. And more than once, I was met with some derivative of, “Do you? Then get me/us out of this!” My comment was taken as if I had a similar experience and knew how to successfully deal with it. When it was clear I had no silver bullet, the moment was pierced by another dose of irritation aimed my way. I brushed it off that they were in a bad space, and it had little to do with me. Upon reflection, however, they were having the worst time of their life, and it was as if I offered false hope of relief. Why wouldn’t they be more irritated? On another note, consider that many people entering therapy feel entirely misunderstood by those around them and may not even understand themselves. Is it not premature and perhaps even patronizing in a canned response sort of way for a therapist, someone they just met, to offer, “I understand”?
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