'gave baby her first bath yesterday, she pooped in the tub and when i picked her up to wipe her off she pooped on my hand. i keep telling her she’s not allowed to be a comedian, but she’s clearly not listening.' —@ambercrollo
"gave baby her first bath yesterday, she pooped in the tub and when i picked her up to wipe her off she pooped on my hand. i keep telling her she’s not allowed to be a comedian, but she’s clearly not listening.
My son offered his sister a bite of his strawberry donut, which she accepted and then did not offer him a bite of her chocolate donut, and now he has spent the last hour muttering about scams. i was watching monsters inc with my niece and I was like “just wait for the bloopers they’re so funny” and then we watched to the end of the credits and… there were no bloopers. disney+… you have made a fool of me for the last time
Today a kindergartener walking in a line told me,"Good job drinking water!" when he saw me drink water. The line kept moving and every kid after him echoed a similar comment.My 3.5 year old daughter just looked up while eating a plain white slice of American cheese and said, “I’m glad we live in Brooklyn, daddy, no other city has cheese like this.”
Must’ve missed that part in the parenting book that said you’d be digging through last night’s trash for your son’s retainer.
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