As two lives intertwine in marriage, there’s a fine line between couplehood and complete enmeshment. Here’s how to tell the difference.
As two lives intertwine in marriage, there’s a fine line between couplehood and complete enmeshment.For many, marriage represents a chance to build a life together, united by love and commitment. However, this unity can sometimes come at the cost of one’s individual identity. When people become deeply invested in their roles as spouses, they might lose sight of who they once were. This isn’t uncommon and, in fact, is often a natural part of adapting to marriage.
“I feel like I have to try and look physically a bit more respectable sometimes, I feel like a rag bag because I have to be a bit more respectful for and a bit smarter,” says Norma, age 58. To counterbalance this, it’s essential to nurture parts of yourself that are separate from your marriage. Pursue beloved hobbies, set personal goals and take time alone for self-reflection. Remember, your relationship can be strengthened when you both maintain a distinct sense of self. Marriage is about complementing each other’s lives, not consuming them.
For many married individuals, social dynamics change, often favoring couple-centered activities or socializing with other married friends. However, maintaining independent friendships and spending time apart isMany participants in the study expressed feeling socially restricted after marriage, noticing differences in their interactions with friends.
“If I were to go out with my friends back home, I think I would be that little girl I used to be and if I’m going out with my husband’s work colleagues, I make sure I keep my mouth shut for 2 hours !” shares Fern, age 38, highlighting the importance of having spaces where you can be yourself. If you notice your social life revolving exclusively around your spouse, make the effort to reconnect with your own friends and family members. Organize a get-together, attend events on your own or even set up a standing “friendship night” to maintain these bonds.
Marriage Identity Social Life Collective Identity Couple Identity Independent Life Personal Well-Being Individuality Mark Travers Married Friends
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