What NOT to say to your teen: “Trust me, you won’t even remember this in 20 years.' Their problems are real, even if they seem small from your grownup perspective.
When our teens’ “problems” seem insignificant or trivial, we sometimes respond in a way that downplays their struggles — ADHD-related or otherwise — and makes them tune us out. Our dismissive reactions are natural, but also counterproductive. Here is how it typically begins:
You sense something’s wrong from a mile away. Your teen’s body language is different. Maybe their hoodie is pulled down way over their eyes, their shoulders are slumped, and they’re wearing ear buds — blocking out the world. You know something’s wrong. You can feel something’s happened — maybe a group chat gone wrong, a bad break up, a perceived betrayal, a real betrayal, academic struggles… the list of potential ADHD hurdles goes on.about nothing.
Not appreciating those differences can lead us to the common misstep of responding from a standard bank of platitudes that are well intended but usually not helpful. Here are some common ways we dismiss our teens when they come to us with problems:“That kid is probably home not giving it any thought while you’re all worked up.”“This is no big deal if you look at the big picture.”“You are tougher than this!”“You are so smart, kind, cute, funny, handsome, awesome, cool, .
Remember, too, that most teenagers are self-absorbed — it’s part of the developmental process — and the teenage brain has difficulty imagining that anyone else has ever walked a mile in their shoes. In their minds no one has ever experienced what they’re feeling. Telling them we know how they feel because we’ve “” probably isn’t going to resonate. Neither is sharing that the same thing “happened to me, too.
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